Doritos - Man's Best Friend

One of the more popular commercials from the Super Bowl was this offering from Doritos:

We're supposed to believe that Doritos taste so good that by using them as a bribe, the dog is able to buy the man's silence.

But I don't think that the Doritos are what's keeping the man from snitching on the dog.  I think the man remains silent because he is deathly afraid of the dog.

His fear is probably well founded, as this is obviously not an ordinary dog.  Not only is the dog quite large, but he seems to be able to move with great speed and stealth.  Look at the way he seems to appear directly in front of the man.  You wouldn't expect a dog of that size to be able to sneak up on the man like that.

And perhaps most importantly, the dog is able to write notes in English.  This is far beyond the capabilities of most canines.

So we have a super-intelligent, super-fast dog with no qualms about murder.  Yeah, I'd say the man has good reason to be scared of the dog.  If I were him, I'd probably keep my mouth shut too. 

Rating: 2.5 TVs - Doritos seems to be saying that they're the preferred snack chip of intelligent, murderous dogs and the people they threaten.  But the commercial doesn't give any indication if the rest of us will enjoy them too. 

Chevrolet - Happy Grad

The next commercial from the Super Bowl to be reviewed is Happy Grad from Chevrolet:

At first, this appears to be just a big misunderstanding.

But upon closer inspection, I think that it was only natural for the grad to get the wrong impression.  I believe that the parents, and possibly the neighbor, have conspired to intentionally deceive their son.

Look at the evidence:

• If I'm blindfolded before receiving a gift, my expectations are raised.  I would expect to see an expensive gift like a new car.  Is a mini-fridge really a blindfold worthy gift?
• Why did they give him the mini-fridge in the yard?  They could have easily brought it into the house.
• Why did the neighbor park his car in front of their house?  He didn't have a driveway, or there weren't any spots in front of his house?  Based on the neighbor's reaction, it seems possible that he was not actually in on it.  That might have been the most convenient spot for him to park, and he was just an innocent pawn in the parents' scheme.
• Here's the most obvious tell: When the mother brings him outside, she could have brought him directly in front of the mini-fridge.  Instead, she placed him so that the first thing he saw would be the car.

It seems clear that this "mix-up" was in fact a deliberate attempt by the parents to mess with their son's mind.  They may look worried as he is celebrating his "gift," but they're probably enjoying every last second of it, as they await the inevitable heartbreak that he is soon to suffer.

And while I'm sure he'll be upset at first, eventually the graduate will come to realize that he's better off with the mini-fridge.

I assume that he'll be heading off to college in the Fall.  Having a car on campus, especially as a freshman, can be a real hassle.  Parking is usually limited, and he'll probably grow tired of people always asking him for a ride.

On the other hand, that mini fridge will probably prove very useful for his dorm room.

And as for the girlfriend who wants to marry him just because he got a new car?  Yeah, that relationship probably isn't going to last a month once he goes away to college.

Rating - 4 TVs - I can only assume that as my daughter grows up, I'll look for every chance to mess with her mind.  I just hope that one day, an opportunity this great arises.

Honda - Matthew's Day Off

The big game has been played, a champion has been crowned, and now there's nothing left to do but analyze the commercials!

The first one I'll take a look at is Matthew's Day Off by Honda.

I'm still peeved about these companies pre-releasing their Super Bowl ads on the internet. 

I want to see these ads for the first time while watching the game.  When everyone has already seen the best commercials ahead of time, it feels like much of the magic is gone.

But as for the ad itself...

Matthew Broderick's career clearly peaked with Ferris Bueller.  The role was simply too iconic.

That's probably why he hasn't really been successful as an adult actor.  Because no matter what the movie was, we couldn't help but see Ferris Bueller on the screen.  As a result, we were disappointed by him.

Ferris wouldn't have allowed himself to be stalked by a cable guy.  Ferris would have done more to stop Godzilla!

That's probably also a big reason why those movies fared poorly at the box office.  Well, the fact that they sucked also might have had something to do with it. 

When it comes down to it, nobody wants to see Ferris as an adult.  We want to think of Ferris Bueller as an eternal teenager.  We want to think that he always remained the coolest kid around, living life to its fullest and defying authority.

We certainly don't want to see him as a dumpy middle-aged man driving a CR-V, trying in vain to recapture past glory.

And here's the scariest thing about it.  Ferris didn't go on to marry his high school sweetheart Sloan.  No, this is what Ferris went on to marry:

Well, there goes my appetite.

Thank you for reminding us of that, Honda!
Rating: 1 TV - We should all just pretend that this never happened.  Don't watch the commercial.  Just go put Ferris Bueller's Day Off into the DVD player and watch that instead.

Pepsi - Bears

Before the big game, I decided to do one final Retro ad.  This commercial from the 2004 Super Bowl comes from Pepsi and is titled Bears.

There are obviously several major problems with the bears' plan.

First, I think they were extremely fortunate that they raided the cabin of a large, hairy man.  If the cabin owner had been skinny, non-bearded, or a woman, they wouldn't have been able to use his ID.

I'm also confused why the bears chose to use subterfuge in order to purchase the Pepsi.  They had no qualms about breaking into the cabin and raiding it of food.  So what's stopping them from simply bursting into the convenience store and taking some Pepsi?

It is possible that they had scouted the cabin and knew that nobody was home, and they weren't going to encounter any resistance. On the other hand, there would obviously be someone working at the convenience store, and they'd have to deal with them in order to get the Pepsi.

Of course this ignores the fact that they're bears!  If the clerk or his wife tried to stop them, they could simply maul them, and take all the food and Pepsi they wanted.

Maybe the bears were worried that mauling a convenience store clerk and his wife might draw unwanted attention from the law.  But really, haven't they done enough already to merit some intervention by the authorities anyway?

Breaking and entering, robbery, and identity theft are all serious crimes.  Perhaps not as serious as assualt or murder, but they are serious nonetheless.  I think that these bears are already deep enough in trouble, that they shouldn't have restrained themselves.   In fact, by leaving witnesses, they've probably gotten themselves into more trouble.
Rating: 3 TVs - Maybe I'm being too hard on them.  While their plan may have some flaws, I guess it is pretty ingenious for bears.

Pontiac - Wide Track

Often times, advertisers take beloved cartoon characters and use them to promote their products.  It makes sense.  People like the cartoon characters, so they'll have good feelings when thinking about the product.

This Pontiac commercial from the 1998 Super Bowl features the Road Runner and his arch nemesis Wile E. Coyote.

The commercial starts out in a familiar manner: The coyote is trying to catch the Road Runner.  To gain an advantage, he utilizes technology from the ACME corporation.  But the technology backfires, and the Road Runner gets away.

So far, this is just like the cartoons we all used to know and love. 

But the next time around, something has changed!  This time, Wile has wisely ordered a Pontiac Wide Track.  Thanks to the Pontiac, he is able to stay in pursuit and eventually catch up to his feathered nemesis.

Wait a second...aren't we rooting against the coyote?  Aren't we supposed to want the Road Runner to escape? 

Why the hell did they give the featured product to the cartoon's antagonist?  Is this the message they really wanted to send: It helps the bad guys win?

The commercial thankfully ends before we actually see the coyote catch the Road Runner, but it seems obvious how this is all going to eventually play out: The Road Runner is going to be the coyote's dinner.

I'm surprised that Pontiac didn't follow this up with a commercial where Bugs Bunny gets run over by Elmer Fudd's Grand Prix.
Rating: 1 TV - If there was anyone out there who had really been clamoring to see Wile E. Coyote finally win, then this commercial is for you.  For the rest of the country, I think it might be a little disturbing.

Friday Night Fail: How NBC’s Crappy Cross-Promotion Blew Up in Their Face

I've decided to provide you with a slight change of pace.  Instead of the usual ad review, today's post will be a guest rant from longtime reader and correspondent Sweaty.

There are two things that really get me heated.

One is shameless cross promotion.

Just look at the air space during the summer blockbuster movie season. Ad time is littered with advertisers sixty-nining movie studios in order to hype each others’ products. I can’t wait to see how the brilliant Madison Avenue types make the new Transformers film somehow relevant to the next great chicken sandwich at Burger King.  (Only available for a limited time!)

To quote the Chewbacca defense: It does not make sense.

The other thing I hate is shameless social media promotion.

Let me elaborate. Some people choose to “like” a product on Facebook because they genuinely like it, or because they are enticed by coupon codes or  contests.  For instance, I "liked" Old Bay's Facebook page because, aside from the fact that I am from Maryland and have Old Bay coursing through my veins, I enjoy using the product. They give out recipes, encourage fan feedback, etc.  That is good social promotion.

On the other hand, you have the results of an action Facebook took a year or so ago.  In another evolution of the social media giant, they took users' preferences, such as favorite television shows, movies, and sports teams, and made each of them into their own page. The supposed rationale was that this would allow users to connect with other like-minded "likers," which would enhance the social media experience.

Skeptics would say that the real motivation was so that these pages could be pimped out to the companies who made these products, thus giving them direct access to a consumer who, by their own admission, liked them. 

If you use Facebook at all, you probably know what I’m talking about.  For example, a TV show that you have "liked" will contact you, reminding you to watch next week’s episode, or offering a sneak preview.

Most of the time, this is harmless space in the ever moving wall of Facebook.  However, some things make you stand up and take notice. Specifically, I was quite turned off by what I saw from the Friday Night Lights fan page.

Friday Night Lights was one of those NBC shows that had a small, but rabid fan base.  Eventually, NBC relegated the show to TV obscurity/DVR prime time on Friday nights, (Get it?  Because it has Friday Night in the title, they showed it on Friday nights! Someone there at 30 Rockefeller Center is patting themselves on the back for that one) and didn’t do a damn thing to promote it.

Since I had been a rabid fan of the show, I had "liked" the show's fan page on Facebook a few years ago.  NBC hadn't done anything with it in a while, and I’m sure that most people forgot that they even had a fan page.  I had certainly forgotten about it. That was until I saw the following post:

Have any big plans following the Super Bowl this Sunday? Now you do! Catch The Voice Season 2 premiere on NBC: (insert clip of some kid auditioning before the gal who looked better when she was the dirty teenie bopper). You can see what I mean on their Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/nbcfnl

Whoa, stop right there!  We’ve got a lot of moving parts there, but right away you can start to see that A + B does not = C-Lo.

I can see it now: Someone who has a job title that includes “social media” or “digital engagement” was sitting in a brainstorming session and said, “Hey, you know how we have to drum up more promo for that show that’s a clear knockoff of Fox’s American Idol? Those people who watch Friday Night Lights like football! They’ll be watching the Super Bowl! Maybe there are some more 18-35ers on their fan page that we can whore The Voice on!”

Therein lies the problem with social media engagement.  If you make it too transparent, people will smell the bulls***.  Social media engagement is like guerrilla marketing in the 80’s and 90’s.  If you do it well, it is effective.  If you do it poorly, you alienate your potential customers. 

And social media can be a double-edged sword, because your end user can respond back. Here are some responses from the page's followers:

“I'm guessing that there isn't much overlap between fans of Friday Night Lights and The Voice. Please don't do this again.”

“Well, I'm done following [Friday Night Lights] on Facebook now.”

“Don't be pimping any other shows. You cancelled FNL and I don't watch NBC at all now because of it. I am not a fan of FNL so I can get your useless junk-mail/posts or otherwise. It was a show of support for a fantastic show that some pinhead decided wasn't drawing enough fans. That's it.”

“I am no longer following or ‘a fan’ of [Friday Night Lights] because you posted this. Shameful cross-promotion.”

And there you have it. This is what happens when you reach too far on cross promotion.

If there are any “cross promotional geniuses” or “social marketing gurus” reading this, take heed: A lot of your audience isn’t as stupid as your ads would make them out to be. And when you bring in the element of social media, be prepared for your knowledgeable users to lash back.