Google Play - New Years Resolutions

In an effort to provide the readers of this site with more diverse content, I decided to let someone else take a shot at reviewing a commercial.

Today's guest reviewer is the always witty Mini-Blonde.  She'll be taking a look at Google Play's latest commercial titled "New Years Resolutions." 

"A new year, a new you." 

That's so cliché. It’s like Google is giving you a bad pick up line: “You’re trying to get in shape, I’m trying to get in shape, we’re like the same person. Let’s totally do it!”

And it’s kind of annoying that Google would make the assumption that based on the new year, I’m trying to get in shape. But they’re right! I totally am! Looks like Google is getting laid.

But what about the fatsos who don’t care about working out? Well, they’re in luck! One of the reason Google commercials are so fun is because they're like 20 mini-commercials in one 60-second spot.

Actually, let’s count how many products are advertised in this cute little spot:

1. Google search
2. Google play
3. Google recommendations
4. Rancid’s Let’s Go album
5. Rocky soundtrack
6. Kesha’s Warrior album
7. Google +
8. Google Play web player (I had no idea this existed. So good job, advertisement. Way to do your job)
9. Olivia Newton John’s Physical
10. Salt n’ Pepa’s Push It (Side note - I am awesome at this song in Karaoke!)
11. Chariots of Fire
12. Run Fatboy Run (Ironically, this is at the top of my Netflix queue this moment)
13. Food, Inc
14. Burn After Reading
15. Workout Trainer app
16. Diet & Food Tracker app
17. Runtastic Pro app
18. Calorie Counter app
19. Eating Well Diet by Jean Harvey-Bering
20. Everyday Food: Light by Martha Stewart
21. Martha Stewart’s Cookies by Martha Stewart
22. Big, Soft Chewy Cookies by Jill Van Clever
23. Cookie Bake app
24. Simply Sensational Cookies by Nancy Baggett
25. Milk & Cookies by Jill Van Cleave
26. Cookie Dozer app
27. Taste of Home Cookies
28. The Cookie Party Cookbook by Robin Olson
29. Eat Cookies app
30. Sesame Street
31. Laptop
32. Tablet
33. Smartphone

Of course you can’t really call it an ad since most of the names were either cut off or on the screen for less than a second.  And the last three aren’t even specific products, although you can still make them out well enough to download them.

In fact, I downloaded Cookie Dozer because it had a really good star rating and it was free. It’s not
that great though, so don’t download it unless you like boring games.

Meh

From the list of products above, you’ve probably already guessed who the mystery Googler is. My first hint should have been when he typed, “new me start today.”

I was thinking,“Well that’s weird,” but then I quickly thought about what most people post as their statuses on social networks.  "New me start today," is more comprehensible than like 80% of social network posts.

My second hint should have been the book selection, but I just thought that it was just another
poor, awkward-writing, fat man that really liked cookies.

My last hint should have been the fact that it’s not the actual Rocky theme that plays but rather a cover of the theme by Sesame Street. (Or maybe it’s just Cookie Monster singing along to the real theme) 

But no, I had to wait for Google to tell me it was the Cookie Monster, which was the surprise cherry on top of my Google sundae. So cute!

Surprise?

This probably makes me a bad person, but I also liked how the Cookie Monster slipped in his resolution. (Monsters - They’re just like us!) 

Aside from the obvious argument that he wouldn’t be the Cookie Monster without cookies, everyone secretly likes coaxing people out of their half-hearted attempts to change themselves at the turn of the year.

And secretly, most people like having excuses to give up their resolutions. After all, I did skip the gym so I could write this.